And almost July.
Time has swallowed me whole. I do not recognise it. It feels like I was in Malaysia yesterday. It feels like I’ll be back in years. Time squeezes and expands simultaneously. I have no idea where I am.
A collection of thoughts for my time capsule today. (As, apparently, I do not have time for even monthly maintenance of this blog.)
My love is easy. My love is cheap. I squander it on anything with a soul.
My love is frustrated. My love smashes up against rocks. I dig deep into empty pockets to give. I learn to become a miser.
And I think to myself: if these I love like children can break my heart, what more my own flesh and blood? How terrifying.
In dishonouring the simple, I honour knowledge above all else, thinking it crucial to the salvation of my soul. In dishonouring knowledge, I am ignorant, thinking I am enough for myself.
Tensions exist between points. The easy thing to say is: we need balance. The hard thing to say is: I am wrong; you are wrong.
We are wrong.
I sometimes wish I did not exist because existence is painful.
Yet, I am happy. Almost joyful.
And I remember I exist for more than myself.