Les Cirque des Rêves
The title is courtesy of the book I’ve been reading ‘The Night Circus’ by Erin Morgenstern. It means ‘The Circus of Dreams’.
And that’s how I feel about a lot of things, particularly life in general.
If you’ve read this blog for a while, you probably already know I like thinking about life.
(Fun fact: I’m also the sort of person who worries about life. I think about everything that’s wrong with me and allow my emotions to pull me down low. It’s a mad cocktail to put in one person. This will change. Really.)
It’s just funny how life seems pretty screwed up. It deals you a hand – gives you interests, a personality, a set of relationships – and sometimes it feels like you can only hope that your hand was a good one.
That’s probably why people are screwed up. That’s probably why I’m screwed up. I let it get to me too much.
This part will sound dumb, but I honestly set down my book just to think about ‘The Circus of Dreams’. Partly because I can’t pronounce ‘Rêves’ but mostly because I feel like the world is a giant circus tent and that all people really seem to have are the intangible things.
I thought to myself while walking down a corridor in Camden, “Is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?”
I think it is. But, sometimes, after reading certain things and thinking about what would make me seem successful, I don’t know. It’s just something that I love and have always wanted to do.
It makes me feel hypocritical. Sometimes, when I dole out advice, I add at least two cups of reality and practicality. Yet, here I am. Veterinary science is supposed to be a great field but I don’t know that every day. I could be elsewhere that might pay better, might mean I have more time for myself, might mean that I could make a bigger impact, but would that make me happier?
And, at the end of the day, it’s the intangible again. Will I be happy? What is the future? What are my dreams?
But most of all: Will I be happy?