Apathy is a horrible thing.
The assignments are rolling in and mid-sem dates loom over my head. I should be doing something, anything.
In plain words, I’m not. I can’t. I don’t know why.
I’m so unfocused and scattered that I couldn’t tell you what I care about (besides the obvious). I can’t tell you what I’ve done. I can’t tell you what I want to do.
I’m just fighting hard to anchor myself to something. And some things are just easier said than done.
Linked closely to this is the fact that I’m terrified of pushing people away again. Will the people I love end up being driven away? Of course, like all things, this fear permeates into my interactions and I’m pretty sure the conclusion will be the same.
I don’t even know what I’m typing anymore. I just can’t study.
I mean, I’ll try. Sigh. Uphill climbs.
(And, oh crap, I don’t like anything I’ve written on this blog. Feh. Deterioration.)