A Semester in Review
I’m not proud of the work I’ve done this semester. And since this is a blog, I will tell you exactly why. With headings and all. It’s just one of those blog housekeeping things that needs doing.
I haven’t been very focused. I love what I’m doing in uni, I just keep forgetting that fact. I need to remember that these are the things I want to do. Things I actually need to focus on. I don’t think being a jack-of-all-trades matters if I’m not a good one. (Could’ve been a better one.)
To speak of more tangible things, i.e. my results, I don’t think I failed my exams. At least, I hope not. I am still scared, though. More scared than I ever have been. I’ll end that thought there. Need to think of happier things. Like going home.
Completely stalled. Except for this blog. The funny thing is that I like this blog more than I thought I would.
I mean, I try to write in a way that makes it easy for me to figure out what I was thinking. And I like reading back. I’ve also said this before so…moving on.
I tried loads of new things. Discovered I didn’t particularly like half of them. Perhaps less of my time should be allocated to the attempt of new things when I have barely moved in the endeavours most important to me (see above).
I have discovered quite a bit about myself. I used to think I was more of an oak when it came to problems. Facing things head on and risking being blown away and all that. This idea was rubbing away in the past years. It was completely demolished this semester.
I run. And I run fast. In other words, I play the game that takes the least energy to play. I have to decide if this is a good thing. I mean, it would be bad if I did it for everything but I don’t. It’s only with people that I run. I am terribly good at it, though.
Random thought of the day: I can’t swallow some people’s philosophy on money. I thought of this as I bought presents for my family (one of those things I just like to do) and was trying to decide if chocolate waffle balls were worth it. When some people say that money is worth the experience, I would agree with them…to an extent. The thing is, I don’t think it’s fair of them to judge what should be considered a worthwhile experience.
You know what I think a worthwhile experience is? Sitting in a new library. Yep. I’m a daredevil.
Also, calling someone cheap is almost always derogatory. The sort of thing you would have to persuade someone out of. Calling someone out on spending too much money, on the other hand, is marked with a tinge of jealousy. I’m not sure that’s entirely fair. Because you know what a new experience could be? Poverty. Living hand-to-mouth. And it’s entirely free!
Perhaps I’m being unkind here (unless my sarcasm escaped unnoticed). Still, it must be terribly hard on them to consider that life could maybe, possibly be hard.
“Why be negative? Money was meant to be spent.”
And on a rainy day such as this, I think of ants and grasshoppers.
I suppose I’m the one at the disadvantage here because they don’t live with the worry that there might, one day, not be enough. Maybe they’ve never had the thought nagging at the back of their minds as they grew up. So, I guess, that would be 2 counts against the cheap – putting up with un-understanding spendthrifts and depriving ourselves. (I honestly think I could count the former as more difficult.)
I could also add a disclaimer here that I do spend money, I do count myself lucky to be considered privileged, etc., but that’s all trite and meaningless in the end. Where people stand in cement is where they usually stand for life. Plus, it’s not a terribly mind-blowing thought to put in words; I’m not planning on changing the world with this piece. (I very rarely plan on changing the world.) I’m just going off on one of my “empathy” tangents. The whole I-wouldn’t-mind-if-you-sat-in-my-head-and-watched-it-whir-for-a-day because I like understanding and I like the idea that understanding people makes things much more livable.
Either way, I have worked and saved for the presents to take home. Literally half my suitcase is packed with things for my family. That’s exciting.
I’m going home!
P.S. Ignore errors for now. I forgot I was supposed to be packing as I fell down the rabbit hole known as the Internet.