by Rie

It’s been raining lately. I can still feel a hood pulled over my head. The weather is likely as indecisive as I am.

There’s been a lot running through my mind, lately.  I can’t think of a passable segue into what I really mean to say, so I thought I’d just babble on.

A girl I’ve known since I was six got married recently. We’ve never been close – I don’t think she particularly liked me and the feeling was mutual. (I understand this completely; I was an awkward child.)

I remember her crying when she was about ten. She was crying about one of those frivolous things: being teased for wearing the same shirt as a guy she liked.

I wonder if she knew that, thirteen years later, she would be married. (She probably didn’t.)

The following won’t be worded very nicely but isn’t it funny how time works? How it makes looking at yourself like staring at a grainy photograph of a stranger. Things feel unreal.

But at least the past is solid. I know what happens to ten-year-old me. I know what’s going to hurt her, I know what’s going to make her happy, I know what’s going to keep her up at night, I know everything that will happen to her.

I feel like I’m getting my pronouns muddled.

And now I’m just tired. Not the tired of thinking, tired of life sort – thank goodness. It’s just something that happens when you’re lazy and struggling to study. Like trying to build momentum while running uphill.

Too sleepy to even imagine that. To bed I go.