by Rie

By my best estimations, there is a 10-foot-gap between my head and mind. (I’m using Imperial units here because it sounds more dramatic than saying 3 metre gap – are these Imperial units? I’ve forgotten. That’s how far I have drifted.)

My head, as you might expect, is firmly affixed to my body. My mind is elsewhere. I’ve had to go back over the previous sentence twice to take away commas and add letters – it’s just one of those days when my mind is gone, gone, gone.

I’m also typing this during a lecture. How far I have fallen.

Gone, gone, gone. The repetition appeals to me.

I’m writing this because I am neither happy or unhappy and I thought it deserved to be documented (revealing a sore lack of judgement, maybe? Is sore the right word? Why do my typing skills suffer when my mind is on leave?).

I feel like it is reflected on my face. I’m staring at the world with half-lidded eyes.

Among my first thoughts: life, thy God is happiness. The religious and non-religious alike serve a sort of hedonist culture. The religious seek happiness through God, the non-religious seek happiness through themselves. It made me think of utopia as a construct; doesn’t it seem to preclude culture and religion and identity?

It made me wonder: how do humans dare to have so much faith in themselves? How dare they stand up and say, “I am certain I am right and you are wrong”? How do ideas survive in society? How do they die?

The more I ramble, the more I wonder why I’m in vet school. Maybe I belong in a coffee shop with dimmed lights and black coffee and even blacker eye liner.

Watch me close and watch my mind. Tell me what’s wrong with me.

One day I will write a post with a proper conclusion. One with either condemnation or praise.

On another note, I’m counting down the days to exams. I feel like death. Not that I feel like dying – that’s a different idea entirely – I feel vacuous and observant, taking life instead of living it. Watching instead of doing. Thinking instead of feeling.

And, of course, not studying.

Wisdom, I think, is not my forte.

And this post will probably have to be heavily edited at a later date.