I sometimes wish I could cast a net and draw my thoughts together.
Sit and talk it out. Find some consensus. Don’t dig ugly memories and piece back their ashes. They’re still ugly and it wears you out and the examination doesn’t help.
I sometimes wish my memories were more distorted. That faces lost their features and people lost their names. Sometimes I’m lucky and I forget, other times I am sleepless and I try to frame them with laughter.
But I always wish I were somehow better. That if I had been someone else – if I were now someone else, I would somehow be more useful, more fulfilled, more happy.
Instead of a tangle of thoughts that have neither rhyme nor reason nor value.
On a less ridiculous note (maybe), people really are a composite of their thoughts, aren’t they? Every word that flickers into existence (somehow – don’t know how – in my neurons) worms its way into my memory or my mouth or both.
And somehow these words, when released, lodge themselves in other minds, especially when coherent or poetic or both.
Maybe that’s why I always write in this blog. So that one day there is coherence and poetry and something worth reading.
Now I’m just wondering why I’m so introspective. I’m also wondering how my brain flies from point A to K without going through the letters in between.
That is why I’ll stop. This would, otherwise, take a long while.