I have silences in my head, sometimes. I don’t appreciate them.
Things sound better out loud.
There’s a different quiet I appreciate. At times like this I am reminded of it.
This is the in-between – the space between bad and bad. The space in which my emotions and thoughts are calm enough to remind myself that things will be just fine. It’s also a good time to remind myself that I’m quite nice and quite funny and can use positive adjectives to describe myself.
The goal is to extend the in-between. To appreciate the days I can think without breaking down.
Slowly, very slowly, I’m incorporating school into my life. It sounds like a stupid thing to say because I’ve been in school for – what? – 16 years. Still, it’s like glazing a vanilla sponge with chocolate. It doesn’t change the fact it’s still a vanilla cake, just with a hint of chocolate. Wouldn’t it be better if it were just chocolate. Mm. Chocolate.
That’s a horrible analogy. I think I’m just thinking of food. Gosh, I’m hungry. Darn winter.
Anyway, I’m not good at school. I don’t study. I don’t have a very good idea of where I want to be.
I need an action plan or something.
I shall now retreat to comfortable quiet.