The Road Taken Yesterday

by Rie

For future reference: this was written in a post-exam haze. I could measure my pulse rate by just closing my eyes; I wonder why my life is most evident when I feel the most dead – maybe all that’s left is my heart beating, lungs recoiling.

Four years ago I chose to come here. And, so, I have been in Sydney. Dig deep enough into my past and you’ll find a girl sure of herself, a girl lost in the waves, and a girl slowly recovering. She’s the same person, oddly, and I find it strange that I hold all these memories in my head. They don’t feel like they belong to me. But they do.

I’m glad I started this weird blog thing. It reminds me that time moves, that time can leave me behind.

It’s strange to look back and not cry anymore. It’s strange to believe that I am no longer in love – with myself or anyone else. It’s stranger still to make plans for the future.

I wonder what would have happened if I had persisted with my plan to go to the US. What would have happened if I stayed in that small town I grew up in? Would there have been a difference if I went to Melbourne instead of Sydney?

My room is half-packed as I think of this. On to the next year.